Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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