my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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