I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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