i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize