Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
