OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
