So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
