she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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