I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize