I'm pants shitting drunk right now
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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