I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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