Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
