I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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