I want to walk on stilts...naked
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
