can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I love you.
Bad choice
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
