Pappa wants mamma naked
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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