Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
