I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
