So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
this will be a night to untag.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
