had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
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