If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
