Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
