we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize