Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
