just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i came on her dog
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
