She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
