names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
