I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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