I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
