evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
