I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
