Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need a beard to bite.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize