it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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