i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Randomize
