...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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