On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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