someone threw a dead crab at me
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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