My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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