says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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