yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
