At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
