Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
