I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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