I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
