I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
