Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Randomize
