i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
