roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
