I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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