It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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