Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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