Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize