i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
