dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
