u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
