HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
lets start a swedish sibling band together
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
