Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I wish i was in the wii world.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
