I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
