Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
