You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
