great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
