is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
