people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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