Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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