she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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