Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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