i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
