Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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