I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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