listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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