I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
