but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
