i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
