3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
