i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
