I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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