Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
