i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
